007Swalwell: The Spy Who Unholstered Me
So it seems that anti-gun Representative Eric Swalwell has been caught with a Chinese spy.
Have you ever wondered just what it might take to turn an otherwise normal-seeming person into an anti-gunner? We now have an excellent example courtesy of would-be gun-banner Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif.), whom you may remember as the guy who thinks it would be okay to nuke American citizens who don’t comply with a theoretical gun ban. As it turns out, Representative Eric Swalwell has been having a very interesting relationship with a gorgeous young Chinese spy nicknamed Fang Fang. (Yes.)
On a completely unrelated note, we here at Freedom’s Lodge recently received a private social-media note from a gorgeous young East Asian woman nicknamed “Bang Bang.” It seems she’s been having a rocky relationship with a doughty American by the name of Eric Swallows…let’s see if we can’t help her figure things out!
Dear Mo Rockwell,
I never thought it could happen to me, but as a stunningly attractive East Asian woman who represents a powerful totalitarian government, it’s my job to pour the punch at anti-gun fundraisers. I guess it was just a matter of time before I ladled Kool-Aid into the glass of an impressionable young gun-banner named Eric Swallows.
“Hey Bang Bang,” he said, “Wanna go nuke some American citizens?” And just like that, I was hooked! There’s nothing that gets my motor running like an elected official willing to murder his own citizens by the millions. Gives me those “Great Leap Forward” shivers.
“If you want to spend some time with Bang Bang,” I smiled, “You’ve got to get rid of everything that goes ‘bang bang.'” Thus began our romance!
At first, everything was great. California really reminds me of home–plenty of thought police, lots of groupthink, and not too many guns. It was really starting to look like I could bring a few million of my nearest and dearest over to say “hello America” soon. But then…my sweet Swallows swallowed one down the wrong tube.
My dear Swallows choked. There it was, right there for the whole world to see…an elected American official threatening to bomb his own citizens. Now, in China we know that this is just how the government shows its love. But you crazy Americans somehow think you’re better than that, ugh.
Our love persisted, though. I knew he could recover from that little faux pas. All he needed was lots of encouragement, lots of Chinese money, and lots of Bang-Bang. And did I ever make sure he got all three! In fact, I got very cozy with his whole family, just like my government is with so many anti-gun American leaders.
But Mo, then the news came out that Representative Eric Swalwell was having an intimate relationship with a Chinese spy named Fang Fang. Now everyone thinks that my poor dear Eric Swallows and his lovely Bang Bang (me) were doing something treasonous to the Second Amendment. They don’t understand that it won’t be “treason” anymore once we take over! Now I’m on the run back to my home country, and I don’t know what to do. Help me, Mo!
Signed,
The Spy Who Bang-Banged Me
Well, Bang-Bang, sorry (not sorry) to hear that.
Maybe you should just go back to filling up the comment sections of every pro-gun website and social-media page with concern trolling and falsified news like before? I don’t know. And do something about those split ends.
Love and other indoor sports,
Mo Rockwell
Dumbass people keep voting these loser politicians in to office again and again. We now have democrats running everything. I can’t believe The democrats are just stupid.
And Pelosi basically says “EH”? I think the entire national Democratic party is ready to welcome China and all the state and local Democrats should be personally berated and held responsible and why is Joe Manchin still a Democrat? The locals should be HOUNDED until they make the leaders change. If the locals believe the same crap as the leaders we then have other problems and different solutions.
If we ever see ballots in any language other than English it will be time to reclaim.
Why because he swallows? I thought he was an idiot and I have been proven right. I thought I heard Tucker Carlson call him Eric Swallow one time.
Minutemen are grouping. Join one in your area!
Y’all definitely represent a bright future. Keep up this award-winning investigative journalism and stellar discourse
I thought Swalwell was gay?
Maybe Fang Fang has a Wang Wang.
Many people have told me that they will “hide” their guns from the new Evil government. Now is not the time to hide them. Now is the time to use them. So dig up your special stuff and get ready. When they come, no mercy, since they will show none to you. Good luck all!
Agree
Nice looking girl, send her my way I’m sure I can bring her to our side!
And send all those liberals to the countries that they love so much since the good old USofA isn’t doing it for them!!!
If you like a Chinese Fang/Bang can you just imagine what’s growing between her legs? For sure it ain’t pubic hair, or maybe its just like Viet Nam all over again? Sailor, you want me Love You So Long? Ten bucks gets you into my hootch and I do you till you can’t cum no more!
Then down the road you’ve got so many health problems you wish you didn’t have a penis!
Been there — Done That get some TP!
I’ll follow the law when Pelosie and her band of clowns do.
This is a real Tweet from the House G.O.P.
How about defunding ALL TRAITORS in govt? everyone of them that tries to put Americans out of work? also change fang fangs name to american name like SNAKE SNAKE!!!
That sounds like a GREAT PLAN, Starve them out, don’t let them get any money from anywhere.
Semper Fi.
Swalwell is and has been a low life dirtbag ever since he first opened his mouth as an elected American. You wonder about the people who vote for his ilk.
You’re mistaken – – – He was a low life dirtbag long before he EVER opened his mouth as an elected “official”
This a$$hat should be immediately removed from all committees and the process should begin immediately to remove him from his congressional seat. The guy is a blithering idiot.
Please
This guy needs to be removed immediately without just cause. Send the troops to his house and lock him up.
Please
Tetter yet, just hang the traitorous bastard, he is of no earthly good, cannot be believed nor trusted….execute the maggot imho
Let’s be honest I just looked at her picture . I can’t blame the guy . Cause now Me so Horny ,Me love her long time too. She number 1. BuKu Baby.
Law abiding citizen that own firearms do not condone violence yet elected officials continue to threaten these law abiding citizens with draconian laws as well as violence against these law abiders to take their guns (makes you wonder who the enemy is) yet we hear nothing from our elected officials about getting tough on crime other than letting criminals out of jail and releasing them to the streets if they can’t afford bail!!.. So elected officials are willing to help criminals and impede law abiding citizen!!…who are the real enemy’s to our freedoms and culture?…the failure of this great nation won’t be from foreign enemies it will meet its demise from within at the hands of elected officials!!!..by the way I guess future criminals will be deterred from committing violent crimes because of more draconian gun laws they do not follow!!!…HEY MY ELECTED OFFICIALS YOU CANT LEGISLATE AWAY EVIL THOUGHTS FROM CRIMINAL MINDS!!! when you disarm law abiding citizen criminals will have the upper hand as they do not adhere to laws!!!!… it’s that simple!!!
An American representative of our government is sleeping with a Chinese spy. In what world is any part of this ok ? He needs to be investigated immediately as an American citizen i can see no part of this is ok in any way or shape if she is a Chinese spy something needs to be done about it immediately this could be considered HIGH TREASON even in a screwed up government like ours.
Mmm, not much different than a Chinese National showing up at the White House with suitcases full of money, remember that????
The Left Wing Democrats (all Democrats in other words) have a LOOONG history with the CPC.
Nothing like selling out your own Country, and the DNC is damn good at it.