In one of the most hilarious developments we’ve seen since Biden offered the nation’s women a self-defense lesson, it’s recently come to light that anti-gun leading light and presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg has to pay people to say they like him. No, really; he’s paying social-media influencers to post pro-Bloomie memes…just like that one obnoxious tattletale fat kid we all knew growing up whose birthday parties were stocked entirely by kids who had been bribed to be there. It would really be sad if it weren’t so hilarious, but the fact remains that fairness is very important to our political process. That’s why, today, I’ve prepared five memes as a gift for Bloomie’s election campaign.
So far, one of the biggest stumbling blocks for Bloomie is the fact that, as mayor of New York City, he enthusiastically enforced “stop and frisk” policies to find “illegal guns” that disproportionately targeted minorities (the vast majority of whom were innocent). One week before he announced his presidential candidacy, he offered a tepid apology–which he has since walked back and then forward a few times–but we think it’s important that the memes go on.
Did you know that, back in the dark days of slavery, it was common to force an enslaved woman of color to serve as a wet nurse for the Caucasian children of the family that (ugh) “owned” her? Did you know that at least one woman who used to work for Bloomberg before he became a “public servant” was told to do the same thing in order to keep her job? Well, now you do, and there’s a meme above to commemorate Bloomberg’s exact quote to her! I think it’ll play really well on Instagram, don’t you?
What I love about this quote is that it’s what he said immediately after he was confronted about his “stop-and-frisk” policies. It’s a real treat for any connoisseur of political chutzpah. The insincere, brief apology, followed by a blame-shift and a switch to the passive voice, all in one sentence? It’s a thing of beauty.
The above would just be ordinary, run-of-the-mill anti-gun blather if it weren’t for one thing: Bloomberg said that immediately after an armed citizen saved countless lives during what would have been a mass shooting at a Texas church. The man actually tried to gaslight America into thinking that the thing they just saw (a good guy with a gun defeating a bad guy with a gun) didn’t happen, couldn’t have happened, and also we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.
That’s four out of five memes, so there’s only one left. Unlike all of the above memes, this one isn’t a direct quote right from Mike Bloomberg’s gun-grabbing mouth. In fact, this one’s based on a rumor–the rumor that Bloomberg is seeking out Hillary Clinton as his running mate. I’ll believe it when I see it, but in the meantime, let’s speculate on why he wants to be the only human being standing in between Hillary and the Oval Office…
Don't_even_think_about_it-I'm_Asian says
Beijing Bloomberg strikes again.
Melvin says
Mikey the bloomin idiot, the logo “got milk?” Was lost on him. He wasn’t tall enough to reach the cows tit. Thus the most excellent moniker was coined. Mini mike take a hike.
Cg says
Blowberg is just a elephant rectum,full of shit.
Mike F says
Disarm citizens? How did that work out in Germany? Or Russia? Or Venezuela? Or Mexico?
JonsOn says
Mike is nothing less than a tyrant who now needs his power. Power that is due him. The guy has all the charisma of a dead fish. His ideas are nothing short of tyrannical. If this clown manages to buy his way into the White House I imagine we’ll be in another revolutionary war. It’s either that or we end up with all our rights taken away because Mike Bloomberg knows what’s best for us. No guns, no soda, no salt, no sugar, no alcohol, no, well you get the idea. People like Bloomberg should never run a society. The one’s that have, have destroyed millions of lives all in the name of the greater good. Mike Hitler, Adolph Bloomberg, Mike Stalin, Joseph Bloomberg, Mike Chavez or Hugo Bloomberg, either way you spell it it’s tyranny.
GomeznSA says
JO – I saw a better description of him in a book I recently read: he has the personality of a cube of tofu. And I prefer my nickname for him ‘little nanny warbucks’ = any way you describe him he is still a tyrant.
Carlos Hernandez says
Mikey, will your ass armed team have to give up their guns also???? You are such a hypocrite, you want to disarm law abiding citizens but your security personnel can keep theirs, why would they need to if your plan is going to work? Or is it because you know that criminals cannot be disarmed?? Stop being hypocrite.
Buckwheat29 says
After last night’s debate mimi-Mike needs to go home to NY. They deserve him.
Break out the holiday carving set and stick the fork in him. He’s done!
DOC CHARLES SR says
Attachment
ALL of the changes he claimes he made in NY. Yea he made the changes, ( well most of them.) BUT IS IT WHAT THE PEOPLE WANTED. OR WHAT HE WANTED.
He is just as bad as the rest of those !@#$%^&*()_+ he is running against.
J says
The last one should say “Don’t worry Mikey, it’ll look like another case of Arkancide”. Your dear friend and future running mate, Hillary.
Art Nickel says
Bloomberg is the kind of guy you wouldn’t want any female relative working for.