3 Most Hilarious Aspects of Glock Tuah’s Loss to Trump

So long, and thanks for all the laughs!

On Tuesday, the nation rejected the toothy Glock Tuah … and the anti-gunners are spitting mad!

There are a lot of reasons to be happy about the results of the 2024 Presidential election, but chief among them is the fact that the anti-gunners ran the dumbest campaign in American history. That really ought not to be a surprise, given that they were running one of the dumbest candidates in American history, whose utter incompetence was revealed every time she opened her mouth and something came out. As citizens and supporters of the Second Amendment, we should be pleased at Tuesday’s utter repudiation of the Leftist agenda. But as people who enjoy humor, we’re gonna miss Ol’ Glock Tuah. Here are our three favorite moments from her campaign.

1. Glock Tuah!

Obviously, we’re going to have to start with the interview Harris gave to 60 Minutes. (I pity the poor video editors who had to deal with her 800-fps word-salad shooter!) She was asked if she owns a firearm, and replied that indeed, and it is a Glock. Now, we all knew she was a total Glock-hound. But what made this commentary especially funny is that it was instantly clear that she does not own a firearm. She said “Glock” because that was the brand name that she could remember through her haze of pre-show martinis.

She said it for the same reason that she told another interviewer, who had asked her to name her favorite LIVING rapper, that it was the (late) Tupac Shakur. That was the first “brand name” she could summon, that’s all. We all knew that she was lying, because her lips were moving (and things were coming OUT). And the point of that lie was to try to assure us that she wasn’t going to try to take anybody’s guns away. Which is fun, because …

2. Fight … hic … against gnn violenchhhh

After having walked away from her watch-night party, leaving behind the faithful voters who stayed out in the cold for her, nobody saw the Democratic candidate for President for about 18 hours. When she resurfaced to give her concession speech (half an hour late), Glock Tuah looked a little unsteady, lurching visibly as she strode to the podium and audibly slurring her concession speech. That concession speech was fewer than 10 minutes long, but it packed a mighty amount of comedy into each moment.

As she promised to “keep fighting” (nice incendiary insurrectionist rhetoric there!), she listed what she was going to fight hardest for. The first thing was the abortion issue. Second? “We will never give up the fight to protect our schools and our streets from gun violence.” Oh, my, it sounds like the second-most-important part of her campaign was (and remains!) banning guns. Not just “weapons of war,” but any semi-automatic capable of accepting a magazine with more than 10 rounds–which is most of them.

In fact, the only gun she doesn’t seem interested in banning is …

3. The one Gov. A-Walz used to not shoot a pheasant.

That, no doubt, is due to the fact that the firearm in question was handed to A-Walz a microsecond before the cameras began flashing, and removed from his grasp the moment they stopped. Which was reassuring, because A-Walz’ gun handling skills rank right up there with Lucas Kunce’s. I’d rather get in between Alec Baldwin and a box of doughnuts than within 50 yards of Tim Walz when he’s got a scattergun clumsily laid across his damp, quivering paws. That said, I’ve never laughed so hard as when he struggled and struggled to load the firearm, swinging the muzzle hither and yon.

Maybe they should have handed him a tampon. He’d know just how to manipulate that. And he could even use it as an emergency dressing to stop the bleeding for the next time one of his idiot anti-gunner cohort decides to prove that they’re not trying to ban Granddad’s Remmy 12-gauge. Which should take place in about … oh, two years. Until then, we’ll just have to find our comedy ourselves, and that’s just a little bit sad.

Wait, no it isn’t. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

What was your favorite blunder of the Harris/Walz campaign? Tell us in the comments so we can stretch the laughs out just a little longer!