Aww, How Sweet! Bloomberg Buys Florida For Biden’s Birthday

Biden and Bloomie, sittin’ in a tree, B-A-N-N-I-N-G!

Biden and Bloomberg just love to swing…swing states, of course!

The 2020 presidential election may be fractious, but the true love between Mike Bloomberg and Joe Biden really ought to be an inspiration to us all in these trying times. We’ve recently learned that Bloomie is on the hunt for a gift for his best beloved, and it seems that diamonds just aren’t going to do the trick this time. Instead, in the grand tradition of spending $620 million to buy himself all 300 votes in American Samoa, billionaire Bloomberg is buying Biden a state. What state? Well, Florida, obviously!

Our friends at the Second Amendment Foundation are being far more circumspect about this big gift than I am. Says SAF’s Alan Gottlieb, “The alarming revelation that anti-gun-rights billionaire Michael Bloomberg plans to spend $100 million in Florida to guarantee that important swing state goes to Democrat Joe Biden is proof the former vice president is bought and paid for.”

Brace yourself, Biden!

But Will it Fit?

In addition to its theme parks, gorgeous weather, and alluring shape, Florida is a real prize for any candidate. Given that the Sunshine State was the deciding factor in the even more fractious 2000 presidential elections (remember that crap tornado?), Biden’s wanted to secure Florida under his belt for some time. Now, it appears that Bloomie’s going to be the one to ease it in.

Says Gottlieb, “Biden and Bloomberg are anti-gun elitists who have always enjoyed armed protection while dismissing the needs of average citizens to protect themselves and their families,” he stated. “Biden better get used to dancing on the ends of Bloomberg’s strings, because for this amount of money, the Delaware Democrat is going to be the Big Apple billionaire’s puppet. Biden plans to change the Bill of Rights, and Bloomberg plans to buy it.

“Joe Biden is a perennial gun prohibitionist, and Michael Bloomberg is opening his wallet to essentially buy the Sunshine State vote on Biden’s behalf,” continued Gottlieb. “It is clear to us the former New York mayor thinks the former vice president will do his bidding, otherwise he wouldn’t be making such an expensive investment.

The power behind (and under, and sometimes sideways) the throne

Of course, the Bloomie/Biden team (Bideberg? Bloomden?) is really a natural partnership founded in mutual attraction.

“During his 47 years on Capitol Hill and as Barack Obama’s vice president, Joe Biden has never met a gun restriction he hasn’t liked,” Gottlieb observed. “His promise to continue supporting Draconian gun control schemes should be ample payback to Bloomberg, who dislikes the idea of private gun ownership worse than Biden does.

“Considering Biden’s gun control agenda and his promise to pursue a restrictive gun grabbing crusade if he wins in November,” says Gottlieb, “there should be no doubt Joe is a 100 percent certified shill for Bloomberg and his gun prohibition lobbying groups, Everytown for Gun Safety and Moms Demand Action.”

“We plan to challenge in court all of their unconstitutional anti-gun schemes,” Gottlieb vowed.

But I, Trace Munson, have another idea. Why don’t we just start a rumor that Bloomie’s seeing Beto on the side?